i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
