My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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