im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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