my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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