Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
