I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
