You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize