Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
