The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
