So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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