I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
