I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize