She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
