Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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