Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
