Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
