First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
