Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
