I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
