I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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