About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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