I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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