Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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