I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
