I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
