so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
