I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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