Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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