I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
