Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
