sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
