and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I deserve this hangover.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
