Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
