I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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