good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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