Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
