Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
