i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
