my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
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You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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