My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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