can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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