im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
