is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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