Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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