My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
