Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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