love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
