Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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