i think my tv is drunk
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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