Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
