I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
