it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
