Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
