I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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