I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
