Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
