I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
