i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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