We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
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Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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