You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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