Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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