this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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