I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
