Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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