He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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