and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
