I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
