you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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