I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
